To Pearl Whitney, From Howland Grouse In Loathing

by Kai Straw

/
  • Immediate download of 21-track album in your choice of high-quality MP3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.

     

1.
2.
3.
03:27
4.
5.
6.
02:37
7.
03:13
8.
9.
02:54
10.
02:28
11.
12.
13.
02:14
14.
02:58
15.
16.
01:53
17.
01:44
18.
03:38
19.
01:40
20.
02:53
21.
02:43

about

A compilation of music made and released weekly from April 2012 to the end of August 2012, also incomplete and complete b-sides from prior albums. This is a celebration of imperfection. My lazy eye.

credits

released 06 September 2012
Written, Produced & Performed By Kai Straw
[Unless otherwise noted]
Album Artwork by Travis Straw

tags

license

all rights reserved

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist
Track Name: Starry Eyed Monolith Making Pornography & Snuff Films
I don't believe in many things anymore
It's not that God is farfetched, just far away from all of us
And I don't dream as often as I'd like to
I wish more than I will
admit, and hope without acting on it
Most can cope with this constant reach
but it comes so unnatural to me,
to want and not receive,
to keep trying without some type of victory
to have success, but not enough to combat misery

Can I muster courage from the one gut
that houses the nervousness that purges me of confidence
Can she do the same for her life?
Or are we doomed to pray for new lives?
Grams told me, Grandpa grew even more depressed before he died
And what's the say about me?
Am I the effigy
for all the molestees
and those murdered, prayed upon by their deficiencies
The conduit
I feel the weight of all your problems, Spence
when I go out to meet your daughter,
or Kellie, before I lost her,
or my brothers, who are stronger,
I feel like the weaker of us,

But I can't be,
we can't be,
We aren't the broken home
of the mind and body that
divorced when we were young and dumb
Are we those people
that feed off evil
Are we that person
the chosen cursed
Well, if we are, as demons we'll prey upon wicked men
and if our souls are poisoned, may they be saved by God or kin,
and if not, let me rot until death makes me whole again
do not greave my darling, I am not of men
I'm a soul trapped in a body
a nomad, victim to confining
the infinite, compressed inside the
constraints of time, the mighty

I have no more questions
Because the answer is within expression
Souls talking through art
not the words after a question mark
The calligraphy of an unseen dimension
occupied by truth that can't be viewed through known languages

I can't be happy and then notice it,
or I'll wonder why, stripping me of that emotion
It's a balancing act keeping strength and happiness
intact through the tumultuous,
through the compulsive wish for more than this
Track Name: Solubility
I don't know what to feel, it's odd watching us dissolve
It's all okay when nobody wants to come out and say it
Instead, "We'll be fine" drips out your lips
As we get cremated

I don't know what to feel
It's odd watching us dissolve
Track Name: Clockwork Oranges
I'm the car lost out in the snow
I'm the shriek tossed out by the crow
I'm the black that reigns in the night
I'm the lines you forgot at your show
I'm your drug
I'm your drug
I'm your high
I'm your drug
I'm your drug
I'm your high

I'm the way that you wait in your car, turn on the radio

I'm defeat within the soul
The fear of failure and insult
And the cold lone thoughts on your way back home
I'm the knots within your gut
The hands around your throat
The stutter when you speak and beg for home

I'm the afraid
I'm the coward
I'm the afraid
I'm the coward

Here's a toast to the drowning witch
who feared not of death, but those mounting it
who feared not the judgmental mayhem
but chose instead to sail them and sail them
A toast
to Goliath's foe
to the man in the lion's throat
who denied the slide, the final stroke,
to digestion in his final moments
a curse to the
wretched thought
that echoes in self conscious rots
or pontius pilates
that fly to please the views the pour in
from strangers and then become clockwork oranges

I'm the afraid
I'm the coward
I'm the afraid
I'm the coward

I'm happy to say I'm not scared of much
or anyone of flesh and blood
or the what ifs and buts
brought when, on the past, we're focused
or obsessed with the future of us
It took my love, so this is my vendetta
against fear, the anxious, etcetera
against sadness, angst and the like
anything that poisons the sweetness of life
is the reich and the demon
so decisively see them
and surgically purge these treasonous feelings
You're not the afraid, you're not the coward,
you're not a slave, you're the brave and empowered

I'm the way that you wait in your car, turn on the radio
Track Name: Hypochondriac
What if my nose just closes
What if my lungs collapse
attacked by the black smoke I've chosen
to inhale, openly
I think my teeth are moving
around my gums, loosening
I swear it, the pain is there it's
keeping me up enough
I can't verify it
I've been
thinking it's fantasizing
but why then
have I been having these headache's inside my
head, maybe it's a benine tumor
and I'll die sooner
if I don't get it scanned by the man
with the white coat or the grey suit on
with the couch that I'll lay soon on
But.. maybe I need it
No, that's some weak shit, I'm not weak, shit
I'm strong willed, I'll think my way out of the feeling
and kill it, but I have to think about it still
so it grows stronger with each of my attempts to
Nobody likes me, I bet
and I'll pretend I don't care, but I still do
and I can't dance but what I will do
is get drunk and embarrassed
and wake up at my parents
with my heart dropping at thoughts of
the night prior, and see that I'm a liar
when drunk or high or
whatever,
Let me check if my bone's severed
I'm good, then I'll do the same thing tonight until forever
I'm a creature of habit, God
and I don't believe, yawn
But I'll pray anytime I'm down or lose my cell phone
Cell phone
That line will be out of date in like a day
and I'll view it as archaic
in the future, like now mentioning a pager to you
And while I'm at it, this beat's overdramatic and let me add that
I'm a hypochondriac if you haven't noticed that
My head's too big, my eyes too close together
and my skin's too white and eyes, blue, but forgettable
I'm a broken human, imperfect and immersed in
the business of caring what everybody says my worth is
I'm ugly, I say that on a nightly basis
and the only way I stop is by getting fucked up, wasted
And I'm stupid and I'm useless
that's the chorus, the music,
that plays anytime I try anything new is
these self-conscious views I'm
trying to break that habit
through confessional rapping
But the fact that I rap is so embarrassing that
I don't mention it anyone
and at my shows, if any come,
I'll want to hide
because I know it'll be me they're making fun of
Damn, I sound like a wreck of a man
I can pick myself apart better than anyone I know can
and how does that help me? It doesn't in the slightest
And though I know it,
it keeps ringing in my head like my tinnitus,

Linus
Track Name: sexlovesoul
She was alone across the room,
the light looming was blue,
mixed with reds, flashing in between the two
She was beautiful
Eyes gold and green, sexually
gazing across her menu, deciding between
some oriental entrees, I can't pronounce the names
But I watched her
Unabashedly attracted
Her nose perfect,
and those eyes, incredibly symmetric
I begged for that electric
moment within the hectic lounge,
the second when our eyes connect
and then it happened
My soul exploded and impacted
Heart stopped, then began,
a defibulating practice,
and after this second of magic the
connection was broken
by a waitress crossing the path of us

The music was a cool mixture
of jazz and the electronic
which is passively ironic
the uncontrolled coupled with something
programmed, robotic

Her chew was cute, unique
and oddly magnetic to me

A year later we're arguing in a bathroom
over toothpaste, or something that didn't matter
we escaped in sex, because we made more sense that way
breathing in unison, locking eyes,
a home away from the confusion of fights
and odd competition, our minds would dismiss
and let our souls intertwine
like vines.. bougainvillea

We danced like outlaws being shot by revolvers
to electronic concoctions
Then time slowed like the oxen
and we kissed, that night at the lounge
Strangers of body, souls finally combining
after years of fate's magenetizing
Flawless lips
the softest of skin
and intellect proven through conversation
This is sex to men of cognition

I heard she was married, years later
after we dated, with a house and a family
And I'd lie if I said I didn't think of her daily
though I myself got married
It's scary
Losing love,
then trying to find someone
knowing full well they won't measure up

My skin lost pigment as life unfolded
My hair grew grey after my wife divorced me
We're still friends, and our kids were supportive
I think they knew it wasn't love

Then I saw her, and I was old then
I had a cane and my back was bent
She was still beautiful, with family and friends,
grand daughters, sons
Happy, content
And I stared like I had at the lounge
so long ago now
And after a moment, she stared right back and
my soul exploded and impacted
A flood of emotion, like a damn was broken
and tears streamed down my cheeks
and I feared if I showed them
she'd think me weak, so my sleeve stole them

Then there I was, my mind a poem
And in a moment I'll walk over
To tell her I love her, and that I've been waiting for her
And we'll laugh at the fact that we're older
Then we'll hold hands and take a stroll
Time finally agreeing with our souls
Her eyes, still green and gold
We finally made it home
Track Name: Boogie Nights
When Donnie and The Supremes
were playing at Slim's
Donnie overdosed
Maybe choked on vomit
either way
Donnie died
And his replacement grabbed the microphone
and the crowd knew no difference
singing 'Donnie died'

Another shot of gasoline
Another hit of mescaline
A red eyed sack of bones
in the mirror, staring at me, I'm Capone
I'm Napoleon
I'm a Goddess
I'm folding in
to my goneness
Noticing my imperfections
my pours, the feeling of my flesh, it's
bizarre, I'm far away
A voyeur to myself in my body

I'm Loki and the behemoth
The four horsemen to heathens
Beelzebub to your Jesus
Christ to Ephesians
The boulder to Sisyphus
The sculptor of misfits
The woman in Da Vinci
The perversion in Kinsey
A musician and a joke
to the simple and the bloke
Cursing his soul
in a bathroom before a show

What is forgotten and remembered?
Or taken beyond life like myth's in december
The gift of remembrance is removed when we end, it
takes along with it, the recognition of your family
friends faces, your first kiss, and restless
night's when 20 something contemplating death and
every depressing moment will be forgotten
when you're mind turns dark and your skin goes rotten
I can't predict the reaper
Like Brutas, Ceaser
I fear 80 years of boredom
Not car crashes or becoming cancerous
Track Name: Dionysus
Written in 2010, then rewritten as Apotheosis.

I just wanna leave so far
Retreat from tomorrow
Escape in the sunset or bleed through a bar
Drink 'till I bleed alcohol, 'till these people evolve
and accept who I are 'cause
I'm done with this town, and I'm through with these chicks
And I'm tired of my brain acting dumb when I'm lit
I'm just done with it
I tried to run with it, good riddance
Dumb shit is gone with the wind, ya'll just pretend
That life doesn't end but it does
So I wanna find wealth and I wanna find love
And I'm just bein' honest
I'm too modest to write sonnets
to a chick that'll probably leave me 'fore the song ends
So I'ma run from the place I was raised in
Even if it's couches to benches to basements
I wanna see the world. I wanna see my girl
'Cause right now I only see 'em when I'm dreamin' of 'em

Life is too short
Like this newport
I guess I'll keep drinkin' like a bottle to a newborn
'Cause I'm trapped in and stuck in this fuckin'
rut in my life that I'm done with, fuck this
I'm hurt but I'm proud so I'm limpin' up mountains
Runnin' from a town and the bitches it's impounded
You fuckin' doubted, so I hope you know now that
I'm leavin' for the truth and you've never been about that
So fuck you, cement shoes, let go of me
glue can't hold me, and you can't mold me
with your fake shit. You're dolls with plastic eyeballs
lookin' down on me, like your sick and appalled
So I'm out bitch
Quicker than a spark from an outlet
and your thoughts can never bring me down again
I guess I just want success to prove somethin'
But they tell me I'll forget about life on the pursuit of it

I wanna be free so bad I've
Never been the bad guy
Good hearts get squat, seen it in my dad's eye
Should I be he, or leave good deeds
with the breeze, and become something pleasing to fees
'cause I'm pleading every night to be somethin' bigger than
the current situation that I'm livin' in
So if my dividends and dreams don't occur to me
Does that mean my happiness is based on my currency?
And how is - that true, you've never been poor?
If money buys a house, than money buys joy
My parents cryin' over what they can't provide us
So I've decided to get money so our kin can finally
not be shamed to sit beside us
So I'ma push 'till my sanity's questioned
'till I can't speak 'cause my damn breath's done
I'm invested 'till my damn trip to the morgue
'Cause I'd rather die young and tried than live poor
Track Name: Vanity Fair
I'm so damn happy
I don't have a chick
And I don't have money, so I won't spend it
I'm a broke fuck
So what? You'll be on my dick when I blow up
So I'ma appreciate alone time with my scrotum
Before you blow 'em, speakin' of blow I'm
Gonna get some coke, do it off a model, probably foreign
Then I'ma drink 'till my brain's done, then pop a vein, son
I'll become an addict so my movie's real amazing
Then I'ma date an actress, break-up, it'll be real dramatic
On gossip rags, on the cover sayin, 'Kai's a Faggot"
(beat) I can't wait for that shit
I'll get surgery so that my face will look plastic
Then I'll become a mockery
the Fans fuckin' stalkin' me
Then the paparazzi will hunt down my mom and me
And then she'll die young and they'll blast it on the news
Then YouTube will have a flick of me cryin' at the fuckin' funeral

And then I'll never get married cuz I'm all about loneliness
All about touring and my album and promoting it
It'll be so great, I'll lose all my friends then
Marry myself, and have my money as my best men
Then my investments will fail, go to jail
My record label will bail me outa my cell, and tell
Me I owe them my life, it's only right that
I stay in their arms, like I'm some motherfuckin' triceps
Then my debt will fly so high that the sky can
hold 'em in the clouds for the IRS to find it
I can't wait for all of this
I'll be hotter than the sun in August
Chillin' on a poster in a room with your daughters
Hours fly by, lookin' in the mirror
And I'll not see me like I'm the motherfuckin' fuhrer
Buehler, can't school me bro
Game's fuckin' foul, I'll see you at the free throw, yeah

If I ever made it, I would probably Kurt Kobaine it
Maybe have red walls and us my motherfuckin' brain to paint it
Or maybe the lady that I'm dating will take the mercedes
and leave a baby with a personal letter saying, "This is Daisy.
It's your own damn fault for not strappin' up and I'll
make sure to scrape the 'cedes when I'm backin' up"
Then I'll fire my servants, go on some errans
I'll be scizephronic, have a conversation with curtains
Then the whole world will poke fun at me for bein'
mentally gone and not there, like I'm just an idea
And not a real man behind the lies you guys here
and that'll make me wish I could rewind to my high chair
And never start rapping and goin' back to just laughin'
And wonder what fame would be like if it happened
Like right now in this rap before I blow up, you know what?
The happiest I'll ever be is as a broke fuck
Track Name: Mashroom Slugs
Saxaphones cursing the night, trite
Like blue jazz or cats with cellos
Irony is high heels on a feminist

I'm only as stupid as people allow me
I'm only a fool if you see me in county
No need confessing if nobody saw me
So I'ma be dumb because I'm running from me
It's not even funny, how fast that I sprinted
the man in the mirror was something, admittedly,
that wasn't killing me, but indirectly it was
revealing me devils breathed out of my lungs

Dogs bark at night
No shit
The sky is blue
and so is the ocean
You're depressed and failed,
It's dark, so be a bitch and wail

Hold this, my soul's open
I need to zip it up, close it
before it's poached and dead
by diseased thoughts fed to it
I feel it, turning black
like civil rights acts
or white like tumors
or yellow like bad drivers
or red like my head when I laugh too much
acid lunches
coke for breakfast
pass the bumps, chump
I need to get high before this interview
at like lunch, I don't remember
Summer, november,
winter, august,
all this, fall is
pretty pretty
with the leaves all orange
and whatnot
Shit
Clocks be moving forward, kind of annoying
I like the hour standing still
like jack in the box before the boing
I'm scared of death
Said the old lady
to her best friend
A couple seconds later
she was gone, and careless
Track Name: TVPSAFBGM
Politics are boring,
kind of a Maury for the middle aged,
and a story for collegiates
who are neediest for ways
to feel important and historic
and I'm bored with all the forced
metaphors relating lore
from the sixties to our sores
Move forward
You're scared? Find solutions
Don't say, "2+2 = What!?
Someone do this!"
We're a people of the can't do
in the guise of the can do
We'll crucify the God
before we crucify the vandal
we'll ban the gun
as protection for it's handler
And we'll tie your tongue
to protect you from your answers
I never vote and I don't give shit
I listen to you throwing hissy fits about the iminance
of picking presidents and it's evident
that you've found your purpose
in a theater of irrelevance
and elephants and donkeys
and bald dudes
who represent McDonald's,
Bought for less than a yacht
and some fondu

I'm hungry
I need a fuckin' donut
I'm tired of writing
I need a fuckin' donut

What is political correctness?
Because gangs aren't
black, white, latin and tibetin
And we all know it, and laugh
but on your cereal box
there's 3 kids and
none of em's black
then someone sues their ass off,
jack off,
he had a dream
and I want it reflected
upon my wheaties,
while I sit for breakfast

I swear some people don't deserve opinions
but guess who elects the presidents, these civilians,
these millions and millions of folks who get old
who wish they could've made an impact so they vote
or middle class dumb asses who at
night watch masses of
of TV and bask in
propaganda and pass it
to their neighbors, who guess what, favor
the same shit
because they're all just an echo
of the loud and the famous

So, for every 10,000 votes
one was intelligent
And yes,
this means your vote didn't matter and
the rest were caused
by jews in a white room
who choose your commercials
and influence the news

While the youth cheered

Fuck bitches get money
asldfkasldfk
asfafdf

We've been intellectually castrated
Nudered to believe losers read
and talk right,
a culture of the dumb, a culture I'd
say might
be an embarrassment
to whatever might have made life
Track Name: Drunk
Let me get drunk
before I take you to dinner
and while we sit and talk
over something I just bought
you ask me if I am intoxicated
And I'll say, "Hey did
you hear this conversation?
Well, I kinda fuckin' hate it.
You've been talking since the
appetizers came in then we ate 'em
and now you're asking me about
my inebriation, ok.

Well, let me start off
with the fact that you're a cost
and a bore
and a dent in my wallet

Get the fuck away from me
We can start with that
Track Name: Something Modern
I was born and aborted
then mourned more than most morbid dying folk
in morgues eating morphine
-or- I'm poor
and I'm foreign telling corp men
give me their rations
or a mass of
food, whatever their packin'
or I'll shoot 'em in their back
then they'll shoot back to react
then on the news it'll say
"SOLDIERS MURDER IN IRAQ"
Oh, political rap? Cinical facts act
as boredom to the average ass drinking absinth
or tripping off acid
tripping on grass that
was mowed the other day, you stupid dumb asses
Acting like shrooms don't stimulate synapses
it's not God talking to you, it's just the caps or the capsules

..caps or the capsules

Let's take money from the dead homeless
For the sake of irony in the moment
Let's
Boo the best runner winning a trophy
cause we're jealous Usain Bolt used to be poorer than us
Winners are menaces
Sinners are friends and this
is not a prison it's a premises
and pegasus is fake like breasts the insecure manifest
so I guess fantasy isn't reserved for the mess of penniless

Rest for any miss
Cry for every scab
Mad for any hit
but never hitting back
that's the montra of a coward
I don't say the pledge cause I don't pray to power
or for it, porage and oranges in brown bags
living in a gutter, not imprisoned by a bank

I'm homeless, fucker I'm a cobra
I scare suited dudes to remind them I'm important
What if I'm dopin, and what if I'm hopin'
you give me 5 grand so I can buy more of it
you'll give it any way
for that chick your dating
she likes guys with big hearts,
the charity is foreplay than

I want a feral cat to play jazz in an alley
with a sax and packs of stoges in a valley
of the shadow of death, on top of the last breath
of someone who just got jumped
for his shoes and not his paycheck
it's all play money anyway

I steal from the rich and afraid
and the kings who enabled me
who raped me with an envious vacancy
that caused this echoing want that
would push most to an hourly clock-in
But me? I'ma kill my brother for his shoes
and when they ask me why
I'll say 'To be like you'

Then I'll tell the radio to go fuck off
Slash the tires of my papa's car
Throw a bat through my TV set
Slap a cop while he's writing me a ticket

We should be taught
that man made law
fickle and broad
to play God in the lines they forgot

Something modern
Something modern
Something modern
Something modern
Something modern
Track Name: The Champion
I'm the king and the giant, the champion
The son of God, the beast to fall
to no man, living or gone
I stand like pines inside forested calms
across mountainous cliffs
And before me, the caws of crows insisted
I was an insect
I forgive them all
For as a man as strong as I
it'd be weak to seek revenge though I
have craved their cries and shrieks
from the second they mocked me
It's tempting me to spit across their feet
tear them limb from limb and see
if their bones maintain congruency
when met with lion's teeth

I'm the apocalypse
infinite, I'm the conquerer
leaving barren waste behind
where their once stood barricades
Are you my enemy
I welcome you with open arms
and hope you charge, then pierce my gut
and while I bleed, I'll pull you up
close to my eyes then you will find
my knife resting where it was plunged
within your coward-ridden lungs
below your heart, and then your tongue
will form the words "I should've run"
instead of faced the champion
I am barbaric
I am the scourge
of the vapid minds that govern thy
sheep, thy weak, thy poor
I am as brutal as I am coarse
I am the end and I am born
I'm armageddon and a force
to be reckoned with by myths and lore
I am the champion
Track Name: Mind Games
Sometimes I think too deep, it's unhealthy
My thoughts get sick and then the docs want to help me
But prescriptions are sicker than the sick that they're helping
They're wealthy, they're just lookin' for cash
Fuck if my character's melting
Yeah, I could probably kill somebody
[Be]cause I'm kinda detached from everybody
Life feels like a dream to my eyeballs
Like it's just projected on a wall
and then my mind's all
thinking it's real, but it's not
it's just collected for my senses
So my soul doesn't get bored between dimensions
And I'm like, Kai, man, that shit's ridiculous
Dwelling won't fix this
Just stop, you dumb ass, and hit this
I think things that make my heart drop
and I can't stop even when I'm not narcotic
I feel high
You're shallow like a top model
Think my thoughts, get your heart swallowed
I'm falling like autumn out of boredom
Trying to fly away but it's a shovel that I'm holding
Digging fuckin' holes
and I felt at home in them
But I want out
[Be]cause I feel like a mouse in my own mind
I'm headless
I'm Icabod
Like a woman cheating when in Lebanon
So motherfucker, fuck off
And stop screaming, yellin' my name
[Be]cause I'm lost and I'm playing fuckin' mind games

So we'll fuck up the planet then say our damn parents did it
[Be]cause man's parasitic, and man can't admit it
But then again, what's the point of the earth?
I'm a corpse in like 20-something years
So fuck it all, I'ma smoke my damn cigarettes
Then kill my lungs
Until my breath's shorter than a gambler's winner streak
Then drink 'till my liver's looking like a raisonette then
Smoke until I'm living like a bitter veteran
Depression
It's like a fuckin' obsession
and it's spreads like the condiment section
I don't think I'll ever stop it
Even when I'm feeling fine, my mind just finds
something else to dine on for a while
It's so hard to focus on 'em
But they're bottomless
Hitting bottom is a myth
There's no stopping this fall
An open wound pour the salt
Can't stop trippin' like a chick inside a horror show
A horror show that's never fuckin' ending
With too much pride to be dependent
So it's me alone
And I'll die blaming migraines
But I'm lost, and I'm playing fuckin' mind games

If you took the brain right out of skull
than that would take the life right out of my soul
So that's a proof that life's just chemicals
And that our motherfuckin' life is the end of the road
It seems life's so fast
Death's so slow
Love don't last
So I'm so
Low

Oh, who wants to come and watch my life fade?
It's fun, I'll be playin' fuckin' mind games
Track Name: Tergo
I shot a man and his wife and he lived longer, got stronger
Became an author
Wrote about how life made more sense when he lost her
How maybe the point of some death is to teach others
The book sold well
stopped a couple suicides
includin' mine, I wanted to tell 'em
"Thank you, I hope your wife's in heaven
I'm so sorry for her
I'm so sorry that I made your wife's life shorter
I'm so sorry I'm pathetic
Your book said that
Maybe you'd forgive me if you knew read it"
and I did and I loved it, It turned my whole life around
I don't think about when my dad used to beat me down
and make me bleed and break my teeth in
In fact I forgive him for his demons
at least I'm breathin' and we all have reasons
for our actions, I saw you, your wife, got jealous and reacted
and I'm bastard for it, your wallet, I stole it
I remember your voice, you said, "Why'd you do it?"
You were cryin' on your wife when you asked me this
and I said "For the persuit of my happiness"
That's why you named the book that right?
Cuz what I said that night? That's what caught my eye
at the store, I read it twice, and it's like
If my dad never beat me, I never woulda shot your wife
And you never woulda wrote the book that saved lives
So I guess your wife saved mine and I'm grateful
I wish I had the courage to thank you, but I don't
I just hope my sins are atoned
Track Name: 2,000
Through the twisted metal I saw her drenched in blood in the passenger seat
I wouldn't let myself think she was already gone, she couldn't be
Her soul was the sweetest of all I'd ever met
And to end it with death seemed sacrilegious
For the most tender of any heart to be ended with a car
seemed unfair in a way that deserved curses to God
My God
I saw her breath, shallow
her chest moving upward then down
like the gallows when dropping
the innocent, allowed
by a justice broken like
boulders to elbows
I reached
Across the passenger seat
To hold her in some way
Or touch her at least
But it seemed with every attempt by me
her distance grew like a stretching eternity
My arm was stuck
crushed between the steering wheel
and the mangled frame
I would have stayed still
But on the freeway
cars flashed by
like bulbs
So I broke my arm, pulled
Until I could grab the match to my soul
and pull her to safety on one side of the road
And I had her
For a moment I had her
You're still perfect, my love
Even when broken, I thought

It was then
that a four door sudan
slammed into my overturned car and it went
spinning and rolling some more
so I'm told
And with it, my life and my home
my love and her soul
Stolen
From me, that sweet beautiful girl
my love, my angel turned cold, a corpse
gone, gone, and me? In a coma
for three months

I awoke with that image of reaching across my sunroof to grab her arm
And was told she'd passed a moment after that
When struck by another car

I asked for a picture to prove it
And they denied, denied, then finally I
convinced a nurse show me

And there she was
The love of mine
I barely recognized her
Mangled by, and torn like,
my car's twisted iron

I demanded it be a sick joke
and said the woman I love would take me home
But I was told, again and again

The woman you love is dead
The woman I love is dead

I loved you until the end
And now, I'll cherish where we've been
I won't have tortured thoughts of where we could've gone
Because now

I accept it

Goodbye, goodbye
Sweet love of mine
Until we meet again
I'm sure of all the angels
You'll become the prettiest

Unless you raise from death
I wish you the best
1k